Long before the movement of the dark complicated superheroes of today's cinema there was the purity of Superman, built for the idealist, the role-model for young and old alike, without complication of human weakness. As a boy, there was a period of time when I thought my own Dad was Superman. Not only did he take every opportunity to tell my brothers that he was Superman, but he was strikingly convincing! My Dad is tall, handsome, powerful, kind. He even had a few spare Superman capes that he'd leave around the house, so while he went away to do Superwork Monday through Friday from 9-5, my brothers and I would put on those capes and dream the big dreams of when we'd be superheroes too. Regardless of truth or myth, my Dad was my first mentor.
/ˈmenˌtôr,ˈmenˌtər/ noun
Traditionally, we would self-select our mentors, a 'trusted advisor' by definition. Someone with whom we've formed a relationship, where there is alignment of goals, vision, values and teachable experience. In fact, part of the mission of Klaas is to be a supplemental resource to those in need of mentorship. However, somewhere between the end of childhood and the temptation of independence, there comes a point where the fantasy and the belief in superheroes ends. We depend less upon others and more on ourselves. Our egos make tragic heroes of us all: virtuous, noble but ultimately handcuffed by flaws which lead to our downfall. During this rise and fall, there are 4 different types of mentors which we encounter on a daily basis, each with something to teach us.
First bosses, colleagues, clients; as one enters the professional circle, simply by proximity or chain of command, these are easily the most traditional of mentors available. The transition from the romanticism of academia and amateur environments to the stresses of the working world, can be overwhelming. During these times, it's all the more critical to seek out someone who brings clarity to the chaos around you.
Early in my career I was blessed to work under some of the best in the business; twenty years later, I am proud to still call them friends. Each shared an uncanny ability to draw out the best in those around them. They focused on small steps that yielded large gains. They asked inquisitive questions of us as young professionals, while patiently (and without judgement) awaited the naïve answers which followed. They carried professionalism, held high standards, and used their positions of power to back-up their teams to unruly clients or oftentimes, the unruly internal business. When we failed, they met us at our low and shared stories of their own failures. In short, these professional mentors taught integrity.
Anyone can help make you better at your job, that's hard skill training. Seek, identify and take advantage of those around you who make you a better person.
Notes to think about:
Some people move in and out of our lives in the peripheral, never close enough to connect with but noticeable enough to be meaningful. It's the stranger on a plane who comforts their seatmate's crying baby. The neighbor who's been out of work but never says 'no' to the kids selling the school fundraisers or Girl Scout cookies. It's the restaurant server who after being ridiculed unnecessarily by the rude table to your right, still composes themselves in time to serve you with class. Small acts by seemingly small people.
Our direct mentors have a physical presence in our lives, we proactively seek their words of council. Yet while we crave that physical connection, the benefit of indirect mentors is that goodness is airborne. When our minds are clouded by our troubles, it may not be words that speak to us, it could be reflection upon small acts of grace from these indirect mentors, that bring us enough peace to gain clarity on what matters.
Notes to think about:
The reality is that you'll learn as much from watching what not to do, as you will from what to do. There is no escaping poor examples in our lives; our leaders, our friends, our family, they'll all disappoint us. While I don't believe individuals who tarnish our growth through unhealthy mentorship should get a free pass, this also isn't a free pass for us to live a life of pessimism.
In moments of disappointment from a mentor, we can practice a mature curiosity. These are opportunities to consider another perspective, one which while different than our own, may have shaped their approach, even if we disagree with it. Each and every act has a history of a million acts before it; poor environments, poor decision making, poor influences, they are a domino effect waiting to topple over. Sometimes it topples over on us. Take the lesson, remove yourself from the unhealthy situation and remember that while bad mentors teach us something, our reaction to them, may have taught them something about us as well...
Notes to think about:
Yes, you are being watched. Knowingly or unknowingly, to someone else, you are a:
or
The categorization is evolving and that's a sobering thought. Taking that humility to the relationships around us is the best mentorship development we can do.
Great mentors don't seek attention, their goodness attracts it. When engaged, they listen more than they speak, they don't fear a shared vulnerability, they respect flaws, and they bring integrity to problem solving.
If this is what you seek in mentorship, when you look in the mirror, do you see the same thing?
Notes to think about:
...it may just be your kids.
-sam
If you want to talk about mentorship, connect with me